Losing It
by GleekTheAwesomeness
Summary: Santana Lopez is finally getting into high school, but is still being abused by her father, and has been cutting herself since middle school. Can meeting cheerleaders Brittany and Quinn, and bad ass Rachel changed that? Rated M for abuse, swearing, mention of sex, and me being paranoid. Minor Faberry, Brittana, Pezberry, and Fapez with Blainchel, Fuinn, and Bartie. Santana x ?
1. The Start of Something New

**A/N Hello, my reader peoples! Here's chapter one of my crazy-ass story 'Losing It'. Please, if you're gonna review, I don't want any shit cuz this is my first story in which it's not about happy things, so peoples, don't be mean! Kay, thanks for reading, enjoy! :D  
**

I heard my dad shout for me downstairs as I shoved around my drawers, opening and closing them, searching for a specific something. "Where is it?!" I huffed under my breath. Finally, my dad came upstairs, threw my door open and yelled "SANTANA LOPEZ. GET YOUR ASS DOWNSTAIRS NOW!" and slammed it shut, storming away.  
I swore under my breath, and kept searching for the object. Finally, I found it. A stainless steel knife, with jade encrusted in the handle. A look of despair crept across my face as I pulled up my long sleeve tshirt, only to reveal the previous indentations I had made. I brought the blade to my upper arm. I cut it slightly, and then more so, slicing it precisely, and drawing beautiful red dots of blood.  
It was the summer before my first year of highschool. Before I went downstairs, I made sure to make various cuts on my arm, before carefully placing the knife under my pillow, knowing that I would be using in again soon.  
I raced downstairs, only to be immediately bashed in the face by my father. Another punch was thrown onto my back. My shoulder. And then my face again. Thirty minutes later, my very much high and drunk father was in the garage, and I was laying on the living room floor, bruised and bleeding.  
It's not like this treatment isn't something I'm used to. Everyday, my father would take advantage of his ability to take drugs and drink alcohol, and he would beat me, but I suppose that's the downside of living in Lima Hights. My mom wanted to divorce against the abusive bastard, but she was afraid, because she knew he would beat her as well.  
Every night after he would beat me, he would go into the garage until my mom got home, and would leave. He said he just went to the bar to drink with his buddies, but my mom and I both knew that he would go out and bang with some random bitch at a strip club.  
When he would leave, my mom would fix my cuts and bruises. She was very well aware with my self-mutilation, but she knew taking away my knife would only make matters worse. Instead, she encouraged me to try and make smaller cuts, and less of them everyday.  
She also knew and very well understood that these cuts were never going to lead to suicide. I love myself, don't get me wrong, but I just needed these cuts. It was also difficult to stop. See, in most cases, this self harm can become addicting, and the more you do it, the harder it is to stop.  
Sprawled across the living room, I didn't wake up, and the pounding feelings of my father's fists didn't stop, even when he did. When my mom arrived, my dad left, only leaving my mother and my unconscious body in the house. As soon as she saw that I wasn't moving, she ran to my side.  
I didn't awaken until the next day, which happened to be the first day of school. I cried a bit, and then woke up to get ready. Of course I was well rested, however I was sore, and every move I made seemed to make my bones ache. I shook off the feeling and stepped in the shower. Everything stung, and my whole body felt like it was on fire, not to mention the open cuts that I had created only minutes ago.  
Stepping out of the shower, I examined my arms, legs and stomach. Of course I would wear a long sleeve shirt, and skinny jeans, because I was really embarrassed of the cuts that lay on my arms and legs. I looked at them and on my stomach alone, lay thirteen bruises. I winced as I pulled my shirt over my head. On my wrist, lay at least 20 cuts, and 10 scars. I pulled a bracelets over them that read 'STOP ABUSE'.  
I put on perfume, and lotion that helped my bruises. I pulled on my old, beaten up converse, grabbed my backpack, and started walking to school. While walking, I was glad that I hadn't seen any adult, as my mother would leave for work at five, and my father had a habit of bringing home his-uh-'friends' he meets at the strip clubs. Once I arrived, I was paraded by nervous freshman, frantically trying to map out everything, sophomores and juniors just laughing with their friends, and seniors, looking over everyone as if to say 'Shut the hell up, you'll be fine'.  
I arrived at my locker, only to be met by three girls. Two blondes in blinding red cheerleading outfits, in which the skirts were _definitely _crossing the lines of the student handbook. The other was a brunette. She was wearing short, denim shorts, a fitting leather jacket, and a rugged halter top. She had a bandanna in her hair-which was messy and obviously not brushed-and Ray Bans.  
One blonde spoke to me, the one with the musty green eyes, "So, who are you? You look like a freshman. You'd make a great Cheerio." I must have looked at her with confusion, as she explained, "That's what our coach calls the cheerleading team."  
I looked at the outfits. Short sleeves and high skirts would show off my cuts and bruises. I didn't want anyone to see them, because that would cause my secret to get out. Before I could answer her, the blonde with the brilliant blue eyes replied, "Quinnie, she obviously doesn't want to! Anyways, you really should introduce yourself first, don't be rude!"  
The other blonde sighed. "I'm sorry. You're right." She turned to me, held out her hand, and said "Hi, I'm Quinn Fabray. Head of the Cheerios." I shook her hand, and finally, the brunette spoke. "Hey, I'm Rachel Berry. School bad ass." She looked at me, and leaned against the lockers. '_Why is the 'school bad ass' hanging around a couple blonde Cheerios?'_Before I could ask, the other blonde said "And I'm Brittany S. Pierce. You're probably wondering why Rae spends any time with two cheerleaders? It's because we're the only ones who put up with her."  
Rachel smacked her arm and replied, "Bitch! Although it may be true, you don't have to flaunt it!" Quinn laughed, and said "Well, I just have to say something before you become one of our friends, which you **are going to.** Rachel here is dating Blaine Anderson, the school's other bad ass, so if you see a hot, curly haired boy smoking cigarettes behind school grounds, keep your Latina hands _off._ Britts here is dating cripple Artie Abrams, so you stay away from wheels. And I'm dating Finn Hudson, captain of the football team, so keep your hands off him too. Got it?" Santana merely nodded, before the bell rang and was cascaded to math class.

**A/N Hope you liked it! I have sooo much time on my hands, that chapter two will be coming sooner rather than later. Please review! And if you don't like it, don't read it, and don't review! I'm all for review that's telling me what I did wrong, but I'm against assholes telling me that Blaine is gay, Brittany's a retard, and Rachel's a prep. Love you guys! **


	2. Things Start To Brighten Up

**A/N Hello again! I told you that the next update would be soon, as it is! Now, I would just like to say that just because the two characters are labeled as 'Santana' and 'Brittany' does not mean that it's Brittana. So, if you want some smutty Brittana, go find one, but you won't find it here, so fuck off. Ok, here's chapter two! Love you guys and thank you for reading! :)**

Once school was over, I was ready to leave, when, once again, I was met by the three girls. "Hey, Santana!" yelled Brittany, running up to me, followed by the other girls. I turned around, seeing that she had a paper in her hand. She handed it to me and said, "You should try out for the Glee club! Rae and Quinnie are in it too!"

I looked at the paper, and someone had typed up all the information about their Glee Club, "The New Directions" they had called it. I looked at the blue-eyed girl. Her smile was painted across her face so hope-filled. She was gorgeous. I blushed, and replied "Well, I guess that it sounds fun... When is it?"

Brittany smiled, yelled, "Right now!" grabbed my wrist and pulled me down the hall.

Upon arriving in the choir room, looks lay on Santana, some positive, and some teacher, a middle aged man with curly, gelled hair and a butt chin smiled as we walked in the room.

"Hello, girls! Who is this?" he asked. "This is Santana Lopez, Mr. Schue! She wants to join the Glee club!" explained Brittany. When Brittany said this, a muscular boy with a mohawk whispered under his breath, "I'd tap that ass" a little louder than he obviously wanted.

"Puck! Quiet!" shouted Mr. Schue. He turned and looked at me. "Sorry for that, Santana," he apologized "So, can you sing?" I smiled, with a polite nod of my head. "Well, why don't you show us?" I thought about a song, talked to Rachel and Brittany about helping me out (as Quinn was busy conversing with a big, goofy looking boy, who I guessed was her boyfriend Finn.

'**Now I know I can't make you stay,  
But where's your heart?  
But where's your heart?  
But where's your?**

**And I know, there's nothing I could say,  
To change that part,  
To change that part,  
To change!'  
**

At the epic guitar solo, I had at least caught the Glee club's attention.

'**So many, bright lights to catch a shadow, but can I speak?  
Well, is it so hard understanding, I'm incomplete?  
A life that's so demanding, I get so weak,  
A love that's so demanding, I can't speak**'

'**I am not afraid to keep on living,  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone,  
Honey, if you stay, you'll be forgiven,  
There's nothing you can say to stop me going home'**

****At the chorus, all eyes were on me, and the looks on their faces, well, they knew who was about to get on the team.

'**Can you see, my eyes are shining bright?  
'Cause I'm out here, on the other side,  
Of a jet black hotel mirror, and I'm so weak,  
Is it hard understanding, I'm incomplete?  
A love that's so demanding, I get weak**'

'**I am not afraid to keep on living,  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone,  
Honey, if you stay, you'll be forgiven,  
There's nothing you can say to stop me going home'**

By then, Rachel and Brittany had joined in for the chorus, as everyone sat amazed at the my apparent gift for music.

'**I am not afraid to keep on living,  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone,  
Honey, if you stay, you'll be forgiven,  
There's nothing you can say to stop me going home'**

At the epic guitar break, everyone could see that I was getting the hang of it, and was even swaying along.

'**These bright lights have always blinded me,  
These bright lights have always blinded me,  
I say**

**I see you lying next to me,  
With words I thought I'd never speak,  
Awake, and unafraid,  
****Asleep or dead**'

By then, everyone was absolutely thrilled to know that I, Santana Lopez, was _definitely _joining the New Directions.

'_(How can I see, I see you lying next to_ me)  
**'Cause I see you lying next to** **me,  
**_(How can I see, I see you lying next to me)  
_**With words I thought I'd never speak,  
**_(How can I see, I see you lying next to_ me)  
**Awake, and unafraid,  
**(_How can I see, I see you lying next to me)  
_**Asleep or dead!**

**Cause I see you lying next to me,  
With words I thought I'd never speak,  
Awake, and unafraid,  
Asleep or dead!  
**

**Cause I see you lying next to me,  
With words I thought i'd never speak,  
Awake, and unafraid,  
Asleep or dead!'**

By then, everyone was dancing around, with joyous looks on their faces.

**'I am not afraid to keep on living,  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone(Or dead!),  
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven,  
Nothing you can say can stop me going home(Or dead!)**

**I am not afraid to keep on living,  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone(Or dead!),  
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven,  
Nothing you can say can stop me going home(Or dead!)**

**I am not afraid to keep on living  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone(Or dead!),  
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven,  
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.'**

At the end of the song, all of the glee-clubbers clapped, and Mr. Schue plainly said "Welcome to the New Directions, Santana!" causing everyone to come into a big group hug.

As the bell rang, the Glee club piled out, and Rachel walked up to me put her arm around my shoulder and smirked. We walked out like this, although I found it quite awkward, as the girl was much shorter than I. "So, uh, Rachel?" I asked. She looked up, and said coolly, "You can call me Rae" and winked. "Uh, Rae, what grade are you, Quinn, and Brittany?" I asked.

She smiled, and said "We're freshman, like you. But most of us freshman on the Cheerios and in the Glee club came here during the summer to sign up for extra shit. I only have Glee Club cuz I'm a fucking awesome singer, although Britts and Q tried to get me on the Cheerios, there was no way in hell I would."

Stopping at my locker, her arm still around my shoulder, I grabbed my books, and she said "So, Britts, Q, and I are goin to my place after school today to hang out. Wanna join?" I thought about it and said yes, only to avoid my dad for a little longer.

"Cool. You can come with me and Blaine. We're taking his bike," I looked at her quizzically, and she said "His motorcycle. Somehow he got his license, illegally probably, but anyhow, you can come with us. Britt and Q aren't gonna be there for a while, cuz they have Cheerio practice, but we can find something to do," she winked at me, and started walking.

**A/N Sorry it's so short! So glad I got a subtle Pezberry in there. The song is Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance. Not really a Santana song, but hell, this isn't the real Santana. Thanks for reading! Review please! Love y'all! :)**


	3. Daddy Troubles?

**A/N Hello my peeps! Welcome to chapter three! Thank you all for the great reviews, and for following this story! Special thanks to Hunters in the Night for reviewing it! Enjoy! :)**

As we walked up to Blaine's motorcycle, I decided that I should call my dad. "Rae, I'm gonna call my dad really quick," I called to her, hoping she didn't hear the fear in my voice. "'Kay, San. Meet us over here, kay?" she told me, sitting behind her boyfriend, and taking the lightened cigarette from his mouth, and bringing it up to hers.

I pulled out my phone and dialed my dad's number. As he picked it up, fright filled my mind. "Hola, papi. ¿Puedo ir a la casa de un amigo? ¿Por favor?" I heard him grunt with displeasure as he replied, "¿Por qué coño te gustaría ir a la casa de un amigo? ¿Cómo demonios usted tiene alguna de todos modos?". I started to tear up a bit, as I heard the negative way my father thought of me.

"Bueno, papi, sólo quiero pasar tiempo con ellos. Y yo los conocí en un club glee. Por favor, papi." He muttered something under his breath in Spanish. "Santana Lopez, eres una perra egoísta! Consigue tu culo a casa ahora!" he insulted me, and a tear fell down my cheek. Rachel saw this, handed the cigarette to her boyfriend, and walked over.

"No, papi, por favor! Te lo prometo, estaré en casa pronto!" I tried to coax him as Rachel put her tiny arm back around my shoulder, this time in a comforting fashion. My dad was silent for a moment, then responded, "Maldita sea, Santana, está bien. Pero no esperen que ningún amor de mí cuando llegues a tu casa." I didn't anyways, but I responded. "No, papi," and he hung up.

Rachel looked up into my eyes, and asked, "Daddy problems?" I wiped a tear from my cheek and replied, "You could say that." She frowned apologetically, and we walked to the motorcycle.

At Rachel's house, we sat in the back patio, as she smoked and we talked. Blaine had left at that time, and I was kind of happy about that. That guy scared me a little. We were talking about family issues, and she openly spoke about one of her dad's addiction to painkillers, how she found out that her real mom was some coach of the competing glee club, and of course the fact that she had two gay dads, although that part she didn't mind.

In this conversation, I had to lie a bit, because I obviously didn't want my secret to be leaked out. When Quinn and Brittany arrived, we went up to her room, and talked, gossiped, and listened to music. When a song with a really epic guitar solo turned on, Brittany turned it up.

I listened to the song, and was immediately lost in the melodious vocals of the male lead. "What song is this?" I asked. Quinn replied, "It's a cover by Nirvana, of David Bowie's 'The Man Who Sold The World'". I swayed along, until a specific topic came up, and I listened in.

"So, San, got any special someone in your eyes?" asked Quinn, with a suggestive tone in her voice. I blushed and said, "No, not really." Brittany snorted, and all eyes were on her. She blushed slightly, and said, "Well, I _have _seen the way she looks at Puck. Terrified, yet intrigued." I blushed. A lot.

Puck, the guy who so delicately put as he would 'tap that ass', was very cute. But, the problem was that he looked like the kinda guy that would do anything to have sex with a girl. "Ooh, Sanny, you got eyes for Puck?" asked Rachel, waggling her eyebrows. I blushed and was about to answer, when I got a text from my dad. My eyes were wide, and I had realized it was dark outside. "Shit," I muttered. "Guys, I'm gonna have to go," I told them, standing up.

Brittany grabbed my arm and whined, "No Sanny, but why?" I looked into her crystal blue eyes, and didn't want to say no. But if I said no, what I received at home would be worse than it already was. "No, Britt, I have to go. I'm super sorry," I said, my voice cracking.

Rachel stood up, and yet again, put her arm around me, and spoke, "I'll take Sanny home. Q, can you grab me my Maribos?" Quinn rolled her eyes as she handed the pack of cigarettes to the small girl. "Later, Q, Britt," said Rachel, as I quietly waved, and we walked out the door.

Before walking into the house, Rachel crushed the tiny stub of a cigarette she had left under her foot. "So, San, can I come in and meet your parents?" she asked with a grin. My eyes grew wide. I couldn't let her. No, no, no. "Uh, sorry Rae. My dad doesn't want any visitors," I apologized, lying through my teeth.

"Lame," responded Rachel coolly. I smiled, said goodbye and walked in.

Luckily, I didn't see my dad as I walked in. Instead though, I saw my mom. On the ground. Covered in blood and bruises. I single tear fell down my cheek as I ran to her side.

"Mommy!" I yelled, cradling her head in my lap. I felt her breath, but she was unconscious. Unable to get her to move, I called 9-1-1. "Hello, this is 9-1-1, how may I help you?" asked the woman on the line. "My-my-my mom is unconscious! She's breathing, but she's not moving!" I huffed out, tears streaming down my cheek.

"Hold on sweetie, calm down, now tell me, how did she get like this? Drugs, alcohol, violence?" asked the lady. I thought for a moment. "Daddy," slipped out of my mouth in the form of a whisper. "Pardon?" I was asked. I gained the strength to respond, taking a few minutes.

"My father... he's abusive. I think that's what happened," I explained, tears freely falling. "Ok, the paramedics will be at your home in a moment. May I ask your name, age, and address please?" sweetly asked the woman. "S-s-Santana Lopez. I'm fifteen, and I live at 3548 Nelson Road in Lima, Ohio," I explained. "Thank you. Goodbye," said the lady, and I heard beeping sounds from the other end.

Just as I began cradling my beaten mother, my dad protruded from the garage, with a loud grunt. "Santana Lopez, you bitch!" he shouted, giving me a large blow to the face. "For all I've fucking done for you!" another punch. "You fucking disrespect me!" another. "You whore!" another. And another. And another.

"Fucking die!" he punched me square in the mouth, just as the paramedics slammed through our door. As they saw the blow to my face, one ran back to the truck, most likely calling the police.

"Why the fuck are you in my home?!" yelled my father, dropping my limp body on my mother's. One paramedic, a quite large one, said, "Sir, we are here to help this young lady's mother, and apparently her too." My father grunted, and went back into the garage.

Minutes later, the police came. "Where'd he go?" asked one. A paramedic pointed out the garage. I was still half-conscious, so the police asked me what he was doing in there. I coughed, drawing a small amount of blood from my mouth and explained his drug addiction. That was enough for them, as they locked and loaded their guns, and walked down my home.

**A/N Ooh, cliffhanger! :O What's gonna happen next!? Hmm, I wonder! Review! I always love constructive criticism, but you're criticizing to be an asshole, fuck off. :) Love y'all! See ya next chapter! :) **


	4. Hi, Tina!

**A/N Ok, ****_finally _****here's the fourth chapter! My friend cried as she read the last one, and threatened to kill me if I took too long with this one, so here it is! XD Enjoy! ****I updated this, because the next chapter turned out to be like, five paragraphs, so erm, here! The stuff I added is tooottaalllyyy important for the story, so YOU MUST REAAD! :3**

Hours later, I awoke with fluorescent lights flowing into my eyes. It took a few minutes to remember where I was. The hospital. I began to remember why. doctor came rushing to my bedside, smiling. "Hello, Santana. Thank you for your brave call for help. Now, as for your medical state, you just suffered some bruising, and you are to be let out of the hospital as soon as you're ready," he explained, his smile so big it was almost blinding.

"Wait!" I called for him as he started to walk out of the room. He turned around, and I asked, "What... What about my mother?" His happy look dropped into a very grim one. "Your mother... She is very fatally injured and has been put into a coma. I am so so sorry. As for your father, his whereabouts remain unknown. The police are searching, however, no luck yet," explained the doctor, putting his elastic-covered hand over my shaking one.

Tears freely falling down my face, I took a deep breath, and spoke. "May I... May I go home now?" The doctor smiled sympathetically, helping me out of the hospital bed, and handing me some newly-washed clothes. Smiling, I took them, and changed.

The previous day aside, I still had to go to school the next day. Since my mother was unable to take me to school, I decided to walk the 3 miles to school, knowing that it wasn't that far. Little did I know it would take an hour to arrive.

Tired and sweating, I arrived at school 10 minutes before the gate closed. Smiling at the bypassing teachers, I played the contentedly fine girl well, that is until Rachel saw me. Looking from her spot with Blaine, she whispered something in his ear, and ran over to me.

"Woah, San. What the fuck happened?" she asked, a solemn look replacing her usual trouble-making one. Nervously, I was able to spout out a quick 'nothing' before the bell rang, and I ran to class, leaving a confused, and possibly knowing Rachel Berry behind.

Walking to my locker, I knew lunch was going to be one hell of a hard time. Sighing deeply, I turned around, surprised to be facing a small, Asian girl. She was small, and had colored streaks in her raven hair, followed by an outrageously goth outfit.

She seemed familiar, and then I realized-she was in the glee club! Putting on my best fake smile, I looked at her and said, "Oh, hi! You're Tina right? What's up?" Her upward stare seemed to soften a bit, after seeing that I knew her name. Smiling, she spoke. "Well, seeing a you're not a Cheerio, and you're in the glee club, why are you hanging out with Quinn, Brittany, and Rachel?"

I smiled a bit, and tried my best not to sound rude with my response. "Well, when I got to school on the first day, they sort of took me under my wing. I suppose they were just being kind. I'm sorry for asking, but is there something wrong with them?" I explained, hoping that I didn't sound like a bitch.

Smiling, the goth Asian replied, "No, of course not. My friends Kurt Mercedes and I were just confused, that's all." A sudden spark rang in my mind. "Oh, Kurt! That awesome, flamboyant kid! He's fucking awesome!" I said, smiling brightly. Embarrassed, Tina leaned in a whispered, "You know he's gay, right?" I chuckled a little and responded, "Well, I didn't wanna day 'Oh, that gay kid!' ya know?"

She laughed, and looked down the hallway, as the said teen walked to meet her, and she said, "Well, it's nice meeting you!" and walked over to the pale boy.

Rachel met me by my locker a few minutes after my meeting with Tina, and grabbed my wrist, without a word, pulling me to an unknown destination.

A few minutes later, I found myself in the Cheerio locker room, surrounded by Brittany, Quinn, and Rachel, all of them in the same position, eyebrow raised, hip struck out, and arms crossed. "So, Sannikins... What were you doing last night?" asked Rachel.

I nervously looked at the three girls, and replied. "Uh... I was hanging with you guys... Remember?" Glaring at me, Rachel looked at the other girls. "Rachie... We saw the news last night..." tried Brittany. I cocked my head to the side, pretending to be confused. Beads of sweat accumulated onto my forehead, and I knew that the god damn newscast decided to invade my personal family problems. Fucking great. Shit.

"Uh... What about the news?" I asked, seriously afraid. No. No no no no no. Sighing angrily, Rachel took her petite arm up onto my neck. Going to my collar, she pulled down my collar to show a big bruise on my neck. Eyes wide, all three girls gasped. Pulling the collar back to my neck, I quickly covered with, "Uh, that's just a hickey!" surprising even myself.

Brittany and Quinn looked at me with doubt and confusion, until Rachel interrupted the quite awkward silence. "No, that's not. This is a hickey," said the girl, pulling her collar down, and showing off her obvious love bite. Tears started welling up in my eyes, and my body shaking with sadness and fright.

**A/N Okay guys, there ya go! Sorry it's so short, the next one'll be longer, and ****_super _****awesome. I'm already sort of constructing to story line for it, so it'll be done soon! (And yes, Actually soon. Not like last time). :) Ok, see ya next chapter!**


	5. A Secret No Longer

**A/N Hey! Sorry I was gone for so long! I have so much fucking shit going on in my life, it's just ridiculous and my depression has been making it worse. So, here it is! Sorry it's so short, but there's a lot going on in it. A lot. :)**

Tears were freely falling down my face as I looked to the three girls. "I. I uh..." I tried, but was suddenly interrupted by Rachel practically ripping my shirt off, revealing my bruises, cuts, and of course, my self-harm scars. Gasping, Brittany buried her neck into Quinn's shoulder, as Quinn wrapped her arms around the taller cheerleader, comforting her.

Rachel observed my whole upper body, as I stood there aghast. I leaned up against the lockers, and slid down, crying into my arms. Rachel murmured something. "Wha-What?" I sniffed. "Why didn't you tell us?" she said an octave higher. "Wha-What do you mean?" I stuttered, still crying. **"Why the fuck didn't you tell us?!"** she shouted, **"We could have fucking _helped you_! You just handled this yourself! How could you fucking do this to us?!"** She was crying, and I could tell she surprised Brittany and Quinn a little.

"I... I was... Afraid..." I tried, speaking between sobs. **"We could have fucking helped you! We could have fucking told the police god dammit! But you chose to let yourself cope with it, without telling us! Why?!"** she sobbed, her thick eyeliner streaming black tears down her perfect skin. "Don't. Don't cry," I said, standing up and drying my tears. "What?" she looked at me, and started to dry her eyes. "I said don't cry. It's going to get better. I promise. Guys, I'll get through this. I promise."

Furious, Rachel through her hands in the air. "When?! When will you get through this? Because I know this didn't start this year. When did it? Sixth grade?" I nodded, and she looked at me, with understanding in her eyes. "So, you were afraid. Because this has been happening for so long," she said, softly.

I nodded, tears slowly welling in my eyes. She stepped towards me, and softly hugged me. After breaking the hug, she looked into my eyes. "You're sleeping over at my place until the police get this sorted. Mkay?" The idea was more of a demand than a suggestion. I nodded, and she spoke again. "Mkay.Q and I are gonna go hang under the bleachers. You can come after you talk to Britt. She looks upset." and she grabbed Quinn's hand and walked out of the locker room.

Brittany looked at me, her stare holding for a long time. She looked conflicted. Her stare still holding, I gazed all along her body. She was gorgeous. I mean, I'd always felt more for girls than boys, but I was afraid to tell my parents, as my dad was homophobic. But I'd never felt this way about a girl. I was all... tingly. I looked up at Brittany once again, looking in her eyes.

Slowly, she reached one of her pale hands, and lightly put it around my waist. She pulled me in. I closed my eyes, and felt her plump, soft lips against mine. The kiss was long, and beautiful. She pulled softly, and we unlocked lips, her soft hand leaving my bare skin. We looked at each other for a moment, until she spoke.

"Santana, I-" until, I interrupted her. "Yeah, I know. You feel bad for me, so you thought you liked me. You kissed me, but now you don't wanna date me because of Artie." I felt tears. I liked her so much. I knew she was bisexual (bi-curious she would call it), but I also knew that she felt more for guys than girls, or so I thought.

"No, actually. I've liked you for a while now, but I've never had the guts to tell you, or Artie. I suppose we need to work this out. BUT, you need to work your family issues first. I want you to get better. Just remember this. I love you, Santana Lopez." She placed a long kiss on my cheek before walking out of the locker room, leaving my mouth with the taste lingering of Strawberry chapstick.

**A/N Holy. Shit. Honestly, not even I saw this coming. Like, I had no clue. Huh... Well, I hoped this little, shitty chapter satisfied your needs! I'll hopefully be updating soon, but I have no idea where the fuck this story is coming, but I am DETERMINED to finish this! Cuz don't you hate it when you're reading this awesome fanfic and the author's like 'I dunno where this is going, so I'm gonna delete it!' Like 'No you fucking don't!' ;.; Tahat happened to me yesterday. T.T But yes. Review. I wanna know whether or not this chapter is shit, because I honestly don't like it, so tell me! Mkay Bye!**


	6. Let's Go In Style

**A/N Hey again! I figured I'd give you guys two chapters at a time cuz I be cool like that. So, here's chapter SIX. Whoa haha, well, here it is! :D**

Later that afternoon, I walked into the choir room for Glee practice, and immediately felt all eyes on me. I looked around the room, and saw looks of pity. This is why I didn't tell anyone. I have these god damn people who feel bad for me and all of a sudden pretend to know me or be my friend. They weren't there with me while I was going through this.

"Santana-" started Mr. Schuester, before I interrupted. "I uh, I have a song I want to sing," I said, looking around all the class. "Um, go ahead, Santana," and he sat down with the rest of the class. I nodded at the band who I had already told about my performance I was going to do.

**As I choke, tried to wash you down**

**With something strong, dry**

**But the taste of blood remains.**

**All these cold empty mattresses**

**And falling stars, my ho**w

**They start to look the same**

I looked around the room, and saw the group of teens intently listening to my different choice of music.

**So keep in happiness And torture me while I **

**Tell you "let's go in style." **

**A million hooks around**

** A million ways to die, **

**Darlin' it's cold outside. **

**No, no more eyes to see the sun**

** You slide into bed while I get drunk**

** Slow conversations with a gun mean**

** More than I've ever said to anyone**

I saw Tina, Kurt, and Mercedes become a little glassy-eyed, and Brittany was choking back tears.

** So keep in happiness**

** And torture me while I**

** Tell you "let's go in style." **

**A million hooks around**

** A million ways to die,**

** Darlin' let's go inside **

**It'll be alright.**

As I sang the chorus, I started to tear up, and become more emotional.

**But last night you said you ended up in**

** Palm Springs dancin' on tables,**

** Almost fought some bitch at the club **

**Got kicked out of your hotel and lost your shoes**

** Well, fuck what am I supposed to be impressed? **

**You're just another set of bones to lay to rest.**

** So I'll say goodnight hope you had a really good time**

By the next verse, I was crying. Flashbacks of my father's furious face and my mother's bruised and bloody one flew through my mind.

** So keep in happiness And torture me while I **

**Tell you "let's go in style." **

**A million hooks around**

** A million ways to die,**

** Let's go outside.**

** It'll be alright.**

** But last night you said you ended up in**

** Palm Springs dancin' on tables. **

As some of them dried their eyes, and found comfort in their boyfriend or girlfriend, I put my face into my hands. This is just. I don't wanna go on anymore. I can't do it. Not for much longer. "Well Santana, that was a wonderful song. Very emotional," Mr, Schue said, as he walked over to me. "Th-thank you M-Mr. Shue," I said, starting to walk over to the chairs. "Wait! Santana, is there something you would like to tell the class? You know that half of us already know, but we should really hear it from you, and not some newscast. We're your family Santana. We care."

I turned around and looked my glee teacher in the eye. Slowly, I walked over to the stool he had placed in the middle of the room. I sat, and took a few deep breaths. "Well, this isn't exactly easy. It's something I've held in since sixth grade. But, recently, it has been exploited all over Lima, and possibly farther. So..." I started to explain, then teared up, as I looked over to Brittany, who was crying and holding hands with Artie.

"My father, he-he... He's been physically abusing me. It started with words, and ended with punches. I've never told anyone, and it's mostly because I've been afraid. To cope with it, I've also done something that I am more than ashamed of." I looked around. I saw confused faces everywhere.

Slowly, I pulled my sleeve up to my elbow, showing off my cuts. I didn't have to explain it. I didn't _want_ to explain it. "Santana," said Mercedes standing up, "I wanna be there for you. I know I haven't been really a friend, but I wanna be there for you." The diva walked up to me, and hugged me.

Then, Kurt said, "Me too!" grabbing Tina's hand, and walking up to me, and gave me a hug. Brittany and Artie came up, and hugged me, as did Rachel and Blaine, and Quinn and Finn. Then, Puck, Mike, Sam and Matt came up with hugs as well. "See Santana? We're all here for you," said Brittany, bringing everyone into a group hug. I smiled, and felt loved. My happiness was overwhelming, and I thought that this day was going to be the start of a wonderful life. I had no idea how wrong I was.

**A/N Sorry for the shortness! :( I swear, the next chapter is gonna be REALLY LONG! I already have a totally fabulous idea and it shall be magical and you shall love it! The song Santana sang was called 'I'm low On Gas and You Need a Jacket' Alternative (or acoustic) version by Pierce the Veil. So, review and I shall get the next chapter soon! :3**


	7. Papi

**A/N OMG GUYS I WAS GONE FOR SOO LONG! DX I am so sorry for those people who have followed me since the beginning! I am so fucking stressed out since late, I haven't really done much writing, but I promise, this story is back on track, and I swear that I will finish it, without each chapter being 2 months apart! I sincerely apologize! Mkay, enjoy guys!**

The bell sharply rang, and the class filed out, shoving their way to their lockers. I slowly made my way to my locker, spun my code, and opened it, as a note fell out. I reached down and picked up the fallen piece of notebook paper. I unfolded it and read '_Hi Santana. I am expecting you to be in my office at 3:15 after class. There are no excuses to your tardiness or absence. I know that you are here today,' _

The note was signed with Sue Sylvester in a fancy flourish. Crap! She's the coach of the cheerleading team! There's no fucking way I can join the Cheerios. Short skirts, and bitchy sluts. No way. No motherfucking way. But, Sue Sylvester was main bitch of this place, so I had to go. Sighing, I grabbed my stuff, and made my way to her office.

"Hello, Santana," said the coach, looking up from her book. "H-hi, Miss Sylvester," I said quietly, still standing in the doorway."Call me Coach Sue. Sit down." She gestured towards the seats in front of her desk, and I slowly edged over. Sitting down, the cheerleading coach took off her glasses, and put them onto her desk.

Giving me a sympathetic look, Sue spoke. "Now, I heard about your family issues. So naturally, you don't want to become a cheerleader, what, with those skanky skirts." I gave a small chuckle, and she smiled. "So, San, I'm not going to blackmail, bribe, or pressure you into joining my team. However, here in the Cheerios, every member here is family. You don't have to be an official flyer or any part of it, to be accepted into a family that will never ever let you slip into anything that could hurt you."

The coach then uttered a sad sigh. "I know that some girls on my team are harsh, and unreasonable. Some girls are slutty and mean. But, some are truly great girls. Hell, two of your best friends are Cheerios!" I smiled, and that made her laugh a bit. "So, I'm offering you to be a part of a family. You deserve to have us, as well as the entire glee club."

I looked at her face. The usual look of anger, and hate was replaced by an expression of sincerity and hope. I nodded. "Miss-Coach Sylvester, that sounds wonderful. Thank you... so much." "Anytime San. Now get the hell out of my office," said the coach with a smile, and I walked out, an apparent smile etched across my face, as Rachel ran up to me, a concerned look on her face.

"Woaahhh, San. What the fuck happened in there?" asked the tiny brunette, looking back at the office I was in. "Well, Coach Sylvester offered me to be a part of the Cheerios. Not like a cheerleader, but just a part of the family." I looked down at the small brunette. She looked up at me and smirked. "Cool," she said, walking out to the doors exiting the building.

"Come on San. We're gonna stop by your house to grab some of your crap," said the girl, not even turning around. I jogged over to her, and we walked to her boyfriend, and hopped onto the motorcycle.

Blaine pulled up to the front of my house, and I hopped off the bike. Running up to the door, I pulled out my house key, getting there, shoving it in, and turning it. Suddenly, a wave of the present hit me, and I slowly opened the door. Slowly, I walked around my home, blood staining the concrete floor covering my living room. I took a deep breath, and walked up the stairs. Standing in front of my bedroom, I took a second. 'Deep breaths, Satana, deep breaths,' I told myself, before turning the knob and walking in.

Nothing in my room had changed. The bedding still lay rumpled, and even the wafting smell of my perfume lingered. I stood in front of my dresser, and picked up the picture on top of it. There was my family. My family, before the drama. There sat six year old me, on my daddy's shoulders. There stood my mother and father, side by side. Thoroughly in love. I put the picture in the bag I was using. Opening my drawers, I took the most used clothing. Walking into the closet, memories barricaded the door.

All over my closet, pictures of my family were taped. My mind began to fizz up, and I finally reached for the knob, and yanked open my closet. I grabbed my black converse, and combat boots from Charlotte Russe. I turned around, and grabbed my IPod, and Laptop. I got my necessities, and turned around to my room. But this time, it was no longer mine.

Suddenly, I had an urge. A strong one. One that was needed to act out, but one I didn't dare to. I almost lost control. I dove under my bed, and grabbed a little jewelry box. In the top half of the box, sat my favorite pieces of jewelry. Underneath, stowed away 21 razor blades. My babies. I shut my eyes, took a deep breath, and shoved them in my bag. I was ready

. I walked out of my room, quietly shut the door, and walked downstairs. As I got downstairs, I heard someone walking around my home, being loud and uncareful. I figured it was Rachel and Blaine. But then I heard muttering. And grunting. And then, I heard him shout. "Santana Lopez! I fucking know you're here!" Escaping my quivering lips was one word. "Papi"

**A/N Omg, guise, cliffhanger! Dun dun duuunnn! X3 Well I hope that story wasn't crap! The next chapter should be up soon... Well, as soon as possible anyways. Mkay. Baii**


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